Four months later I am writing to you from what I hope is a different place. From eyes that see the world in bright, vibrant color instead of dismal gray. From lips that speak honestly about what they want, and what they deserve. From ears that hear not just songs of disparity, but also songs of hope. From a heart that beats a little softer from the hurt, but a lot stronger from the pain.
In reading the letters other people wrote I came to realize that I was not alone. That none of us are. There will always be someone out there who can relate to what you are saying, how you are feeling, and what you are thinking. I've grown proud to say that yes, I want love and peace, but I will fight you to the death when I believe passionately in something or someone. I've learned that it's OK to not believe in the word NEVER. Because I don't. I believe in those little voices in my head, that may often misguide me, but not without reason.
I'd like to open up the forum again for people to continue sending letters. They can be to a friend, family member, lover, enemy... anything you need or want to get off your chest. If you are still hesistant, because you don't know me, don't trust me, or are uncomfortable sharing your feelings with a complete stranger, here are a few things about me to familiarize yourself with...
1. I am a trained dancer since the age of two, yet I fall almost every day.
2. I hate all horror movies, but I am particularly terrified of the movie Jurassic Park.
3. My favorite place to be, any season, any time of the day, is the beach.
4. I love my family, both real and extended, more than anything. They have supported me through everything and have tried their best to understand the way I see the world. However, sometimes I feel like I am the "black sheep."
5. I am deathly afraid that my grandparents will pass away before I get married.
6. My favorite color is blue, my eyes stand out when I wear green, I feel powerful in red, and I'm happiest in yellow.
7. When I meet people, their families usually love me. Their friends love me. Their pets love me. But the one person who means the most to me... that's who I struggle with. Sometimes, I fear that I may be a difficult person to love.
8. I have spent my whole life being insecure about my weight and appearance, despite a web of family and friends who always tried to make me feel beautiful. I was convinced that if I was skinnier and prettier my whole life would be different. I'm currently the thinnest I've been since high school and I've never felt more alone or invisible.
9. I am comforted when I have a cup of coffee in my hands.
10. I love red wine and I'm bothered when people drink white zinfandel.
11. Dance is my passion, I can't imagine my life without it. However, I constantly question if I'm truly talented at what I do, or if I've just always been a "big fish in a small pond."
12. I think the two hardest things about being single are 1. Not knowing who to trust, and 2. Having so much love to give, so much beauty to share and no one on the receiving end.
13. I have a major fear of abandonment and rejection. The fear didn't manifest itself out of thin air. Thank you Cupid, for your misguided arrow.
14. I am incredibly bothered by "posers." You know, those people that conform to be what another person wants them to be. The ones that pretend to like and be interested in things just to attract someone, but actually have little in common with them. I don't play games and I can't stand the people who do.
15. I cry A LOT. Definitely more than the average person. My favorite place to cry is the bathroom. My second place to cry is my car. Sometimes when I laugh really hard, I end up crying too. I believe crying is good for you. I cry at every curtain call of a live performance and every "Surprise" at a surprise party. I do not discriminate when it comes to tears.
16. I am an aggressive driver. Some may translate that to mean "bad driver." I just don't know how to do anything slow.
17. The people I met in my mid-20s are some of the most fun, interesting and stimulating people in my life. I LOVE meeting new people. But there is not a day that goes by when I don't think about the friendships and relationships I've lost touch with over the past ten years. Time passes, life gets in the way, but I miss them all the same.
18. I never understood how much it could hurt to see someone you loved loving someone else until it happened to me. That pain still sits in me every day. I have a really hard time getting over things I can't understand.
19. I have a toe thumb. Just one.
20. I absolutely love old buildings, churches, and different architecture and landscapes. It visually stimulates me to no end. I could wander cities and towns every day of my life and find something unusual and fascinating about them. My goal is to see all 50 states and visit each continent at least once. When I find that money tree in my backyard, I'll be on my way.
21. I am called "Morelli" more than I am called "Christina."
22. My brother is my best friend. I don't need a sister. That's what I have cousins and girlfriends for.
23. The past two years of my life have felt like a complete "Catch 22." I'm still waiting for that to change. I get frustrated when I put all of my heart and soul into something, and don't see the return. I am also incredibly bad at making decisions... it's quite torturous for me. So every time I've had to make one I question if it was right.
24. My dream is to one day dance and/or choreograph professionally. I also plan to write a book. And start another company. And take over the world. Sometimes I feel like I have multiple personalities. They will ALL be successful.
25. The arts are my life. Dance, music, painting, photography... I feel at home with people who share this passion. Music is therapy to me. Particularly when it's live. I could sit in a small venue with a great artist or band for hours, think about it for a few more hours, and then talk about it for a few more hours. Oh, and maybe do a little crying in between. ;)
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