Crossroads

I am standing in the middle of the woods alone.  Surrounding me are various pathways... some dark and brooding, with long, dried branches that reach to me like fragile fingers... some sunny, bright, and clear, with bursts of light rays streaming on my face.  Others are simple, just a dirt road, some plush trees, and a few hints of flowers to decorate the otherwise monotonous path.  This place where I stand, is a crossroad.  Behind me lies the road I have taken up until this point.  Shouts of frustration, anger, and sadness are still ringing in my ears and echoing in the forest, but I try desperately to block them out so I can move on.  I can feel my faith dwindling, and I have a strong feeling of resentment towards those who have ripped it from me along the way.  My coat that I wear is laced with guilt and failure, and while I know I have to leave it behind I am fearful of taking it off.  I have become comfortable in it's worn and familiar smell, it's soft and ragged touch, and the warmth and shelter it has provided me with when I did not want to see the world as it was.

Underneath this coat I wear nothing.  When I choose my path, I must shed my coat and enter freely.  There can be no protection, no hiding, no excuses, and no exceptions.  I have to trust that when I encounter new people, they will love me for who I am.  I have to believe that I can be successful in new ventures without others teaching me everything there is to know.  I have to understand that there will still be those who turn away from my naked and vulnerable presence, and this does not speak as a testament to who I am.

Most importantly, I have to feel with every ounce of my soul that I have made the right decision.  I must shout down the path of frustrated, angry, and sad voices that I thank them for what they have brought to my life, but the time has come for us all to part ways.  I need to be willing to let go of who I was to become who I was meant to be.

I am standing in the middle of the woods by myself... and I am terrified.  I can feel the lump in my throat and the tears forming behind my eyes.  I am still so close to the previous path that I can see the faces and expressions of those I am walking away from.  I can feel their bodies wrapping me in tight embraces and I can see their smiles filling me with hope.  I look past these faces to those who left me before I could ever leave them.  They stare at me blankly, as if to say "What are you waiting for?"

I turn to those who have already passed me on this path, their footprints still fresh in the muddy trails.  I shout after them to wait for me, but it's too late, they have already gone.  I must make this journey on my own.

I waiver for a minute because I don't know if I am ready.

So I take a deep breath and close my eyes.  I turn one last time to the path I have been led down, and I can only say "Thank you."  I cannot bring myself to say goodbye.  I can only hope that one day, my honesty will be understood.  I can only pray that one day, my faith will be restored.

I do not turn around again, because I am afraid if I do, I will change my mind.  I slowly remove my coat, leaving it lying in a lifeless pool around my bare feet, and shaking slightly, I take my first step.  

And for the time being, that's where the story ends.