Let your heart be light...

I haven't been in much of the holiday spirit this year.  There are no stockings hung by my chimney with care, and the things dancing through my head at night are certainly not sugarplums.  I did not put up my tree and I have yet to make a dent in my Christmas shopping list.  My Kitchen Aid mixer sits dusty and cold, empty Tupperware surrounding it, waiting to be filled with my usual array of Christmas cookies.

I can't explain the exact reason why.  The feeling just hasn't been there.  I see it radiating out of people around me, and I feel a slight sense of envy for their light hearts and cheerful spirit.  I want to bottle it up and put it on my kitchen table, each day taking small doses until the joy and laughter fills the empty void inside.  

Last night I received my first small dose.  I was in New York City attending a special holiday showcase at the NY Songwriters Circle.  This particular event included students from a NY public school performing onstage along with other notable singer/songwriters in the city.  I was truly inspired by some of the talent.  Caleb Hawley rocked his innovative and creative lyrics with a voice so powerful you could hear the awe in the room.  Jenny Bruce, along with her father and sister, performed a hauntingly beautiful Christmas song with exquisite harmonies.  A young student, perhaps around the age of twelve, played two original, self-written songs on the piano that would have you convinced her first crib was a Baby Grand.  I left the club convinced that my children will absolutely be raised in the culture, art, and music of NYC... it breeds raw and unexplored talent like no other city in the world.

The song to close the evening was one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."  The first notes on the piano hit and I felt the familiar rush of memories that surrounds me this time of year.  I love the hope that this song brings in balancing it's slightly melancholy lyrics.  Interestingly, the original version of the song, written for "Meet Me In St. Louis" (the movie that brought together Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli) had much darker lyrics by Hugh Martin.  The lyrics have actually been altered from the original version to the one that Judy Garland performed because it was believed that they were not "happy" enough for a Christmas song.  It was then changed again slightly when Frank Sinatra recorded it.  I read an article that quoted Liza Minnelli (Judy Garland and Vincente Minnelli's daughter) talking about the song and argument over lyrics as follows:

"My feeling is that Christmastime is about your past, and there comes a time when it does become sentimental, just because you start remembering, and people will always miss somebody at Christmas. But to indulge in that and just say 'Everything was better then'- forget it!  You've always gotta have hope."

I love the melody of this song.  I love the way it soothes, comforts, and gently rocks you.  I love how you find yourself softly singing for hours after hearing it... "Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow..."

Maybe I'll do a little baking this week...