There Will Come A Day...

There will come a day when my legs will no longer be strong enough to move me gracefully across a stage.

There will come a day when my senses will be weakened... sound won't be as crisp, sight won't be as vibrant, touch will have transformed.

There will come a day when I will no longer be the center of my universe... children and family will take precedence over every need, every thought, every moment, and every day I will be reminded that I need to care for others more than myself.

There will come a day when travel won't be an option.  At least not an easy one. It won't be simple to slide behind the wheel at an given moment and take off like the wind, with no one to answer to and often no idea where I will end up.

There will come a day when the worst heartaches of life will seem like a distant memory, when the friendships that have passed are simply pages in a scrapbook and the wild days of youth will turn to quiet moments with family and friends.

There will come a day when the words I have penned will turn into the time capsule of my life.  

But for today...

This is why I write.  This is why I dance.  This is why artists must seize the moment and create tangible pieces for the world to see, hear, and explore.  Because tomorrow, I may not feel the same.  And I want to remember how I felt today, whether it was the happiest day of my life or I felt completely stricken with grief.  I have learned from every emotion that passed through my body.  I have become a person.  A whole person.  And I will continue to add to that person to become even more complete.  If one form of art of mine can reach someone... make them feel less alone,  touch their heart or unleash an emotion... then I have made a difference in someone else's day.  That feeling of happiness is indescribable, for me at least.

So for all of my fellow artists out there, who may struggle with what they are creating, doubt what they have already produced, or are hesitant to explore something new... I encourage you to put that aside and embrace your talent, whatever it is.  Because that one little neuron that fires in your brain, igniting a spark of creativity and genius, will spread like wildfire into someone else's soul.  

Live for today.  Love for today.  There will come a day when you will wish you had.

Walking Away

Walking away from something you've put your heart into is never easy. It's part of your history, a chapter in your book, a frame that hangs on your wall of memories. No one ever knows when to walk away... sometimes you linger because it's comfortable and easy, other times you stay for fear of what the future holds. But those who are able to do it successfully open themselves up to paths of endless possibilities, as a friend of mine once pointed out.

There are people in this world who will make the decision to walk away easy for you. Whether its with unkind words, thoughtless actions, or inconsideration for your feelings, the more times you get beaten down the less likely you are to get back in the ring. I have spent the past year haunted by faces and voices who have both intentionally and unintentionally done everything in their power to rain on my happiness. I have encountered selfishness in it's ugliest form and a lack of graciousness from those who I have gone above and beyond for. I've tried my best to avoid some of the most pathetic and sad cases of people, those who really don't have a clue and never will, but somehow, someway, their faces manage to resurface time and time again. And finally one recent morning, I woke up empty. I realized that caring too much can be a burden. I began to understand that there is truth to the idea that people don't realize what they have until it's gone. I'm reluctant to admit that it's better to be the bigger person and do the right thing, even if it's not appreciated.

And I'm walking away. I'm leaving behind 5 years of memories, pain, love, passion, commitment, strife, confusion, frustration, success and failure to start anew. No one likes change.

I'm scared, I'm sad, but I'm doing what's best for me. I hope any of you who may find yourselves in this position have the strength to do it. It's both the weakest and most powerful I've ever felt in my life.

But as my mother told me last night, "You are not given things you cannot handle."

After Awhile.

I came across this jotted down in a journal, in the midst of cleaning my old bedroom at my parents house this weekend.  I thought the message was beautiful, something I needed to hear at this point in my life, and wanted to share.  

I hope you find it as inspiring as I did.

"After Awhile" by Veronica Shoffstall

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for paths.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So plant your garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong... and you really do have worth.