Lightening things up a bit...

So my last few entries have been pretty intense, and in fear that I may have scared off some of my readers or sent them plunging into an early suicide, I decided to write something to lighten the mood.  I was informed that MY version of the ever-so-popular Top 25 list was not full of enough humor to captivate my more optimistic audience, and I would like to state once and for all that I am in fact, a funny person.

Here is a revised, light, humorous and honest version of the things you should know about me.  I'm not all Sarah McLachlan...

1.  My favorite song to belt out when no one is listening is "The Star-Spangled Banner."  I don't know why.  But it has been the song of choice for hundreds of shower serenades.  The acoustics in the bathroom are the best.

2.  I have the world's smallest bladder.  I pee every hour, on the hour, and can rarely make it through a car ride without stopping.  I am pretty sure I will need  Detrol LA by the time I'm 30.

3.  I cannot walk in a straight line.  Seriously.  Try walking with me sometime.  I will knock you over without a second glance.

4.  My favorite animal is a dolphin.  I have a mild obsession with their friendly faces and I admire them for being the only animals that mate for pleasure.  When I was younger I wanted to be a dolphin trainer.  I still might go for it.

5.  Around the age of 5 my favorite book was Strega Nonna.  There is a video of me reading it out loud to the video camera as my brother ran in circles around the table behind me.  As my mom tried to capture his antics, I kept moving front of the camera, determined not to be upstaged by him.  I guess there is a little diva in me after all.

6.  I think one of the most important qualities a person can have is the ability to laugh at themselves. 

7.  I was born on Thanksgiving Day, 1981.  After putting my mother through over ten hours of labor, I popped out at a scale-topping 9lbs, 7 oz.  That's a big ass baby.  However, I lost a pound my first few days in the hospital.  I like to think it was the Weight Watchers milk they fed me.  Baby's first diet.  

8.  I am slightly obsessed with matching.  Clothes, underwear, accessories, etc.  Even my pajamas match.  If you walk in and see me in clashing clothes, something is seriously wrong.

9.  If I could live on the Island in Lost, I would.  Yes, the smoke monster scares me, and all the dead people that pop up are creepy, but seriously... that island has enough to stimulate my mind for eternity.

10.  I like my sense of humor dry, with a twist, and three olives.

11.  I pull out my eyebrows when I'm stressed.  I'm lucky I still have any at this rate.

12.  Foods with faces scare me.  I'm not a strict vegetarian, but I cannot eat anything in it's full form.  I don't understand how people can eat something when the eyes are still staring at you, or the legs are dangling lifelessly. It's cruel.

13.  At any given moment, I am thinking of at least three things, if not more.  My brain is so overactive I'm surprised smoke hasn't spewed from my ears and sparks haven't shot out of my eyes.  Just last week I locked myself out of my own bedroom and had to take the doorknob off to get back in, simply because I wasn't paying attention.  It's my flakiest quality.

14.  My favorite flower is the calla lily.  I think they are beautiful, and just seeing them makes me happy.

15.  I am a secret cuddler.  I like to pretend that I am tough and independent, but if you hit my emotional weak spot, I curl up like a baby.  

16.  I am a TALKER.  I am that girl that continues the conversation for about 5 minutes after you've been disconnected, because I've been talking so much I don't realize there is no one on the other line.  I talk to myself all the time when I'm alone.  Maybe that's why I became a writer... it's like talking but with no one to interrupt you.

17.  I love vintage clothes.  My grandmother gave me three vintage dresses this past year that I wore for various occasions, and I have never felt more glamorous.  My dad calls them "old dresses," I call them time machines.  It's hot to get dressed up in another era and feel like someone besides yourself.  I highly recommend it.

18.  I love the feeling of being naked in the water.  It's incredibly liberating.

19.  I have the most vivid dreams you could possibly imagine.  To the point where I think I might be psychic sometimes.  My sixth sense is freakishly strong.

20.  I am obsessed with Google.  I google everything.  If anyone ever got hold of my browser history, I would have to change my identity and flee the country.  I fool people into thinking I am much smarter than I really am by googling things.... sshh, don't tell.

21.  I want desperately to learn how to play the drums.  There is a seriously suppressed rocker chick lingering inside me.  

22. I will answer to the names Christina, Chris, Morelli, Steen, Beena, Been, Crazy, etc... but I will not answer to Chrissy.  I am not a Chrissy.  Oh and it drives me MAD when people call me Christine.  Particularly when I say "Hi, I'm Christina" and they say "Hi Christine."  Are you deaf?  Did you miss that last syllable?

23.  I love flip flops.  I will wear them any season, rain, sleet, or snow.  They are like orgasms for my feet.  I also love dresses.  I have a ridiculous amount.  I would wear a dress every day if I could.  It is my one really girlie indulgence.

24.  I know that I have the best family and friends in the world, because any other group of people would have committed me to an insane asylum a long time ago... but they take my craziness in strides.

25.  I believe in being different.  I believe in second chances, following dreams, setting goals, not settling, challenging yourself, going out of your comfort zone, finding love, losing love, not going to bed angry, knowing when to apologize and when to stand your ground, being scared, being confident, and most importantly, being YOU.  

I hope you all have made a list of the things that make you unique.  Do it.  Go back and read it when you're having a rough day.  I'll leave you with this quote by Elie Weisel....

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.

The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.

And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."

May you never experience indifference.

  

Crossroads

I am standing in the middle of the woods alone.  Surrounding me are various pathways... some dark and brooding, with long, dried branches that reach to me like fragile fingers... some sunny, bright, and clear, with bursts of light rays streaming on my face.  Others are simple, just a dirt road, some plush trees, and a few hints of flowers to decorate the otherwise monotonous path.  This place where I stand, is a crossroad.  Behind me lies the road I have taken up until this point.  Shouts of frustration, anger, and sadness are still ringing in my ears and echoing in the forest, but I try desperately to block them out so I can move on.  I can feel my faith dwindling, and I have a strong feeling of resentment towards those who have ripped it from me along the way.  My coat that I wear is laced with guilt and failure, and while I know I have to leave it behind I am fearful of taking it off.  I have become comfortable in it's worn and familiar smell, it's soft and ragged touch, and the warmth and shelter it has provided me with when I did not want to see the world as it was.

Underneath this coat I wear nothing.  When I choose my path, I must shed my coat and enter freely.  There can be no protection, no hiding, no excuses, and no exceptions.  I have to trust that when I encounter new people, they will love me for who I am.  I have to believe that I can be successful in new ventures without others teaching me everything there is to know.  I have to understand that there will still be those who turn away from my naked and vulnerable presence, and this does not speak as a testament to who I am.

Most importantly, I have to feel with every ounce of my soul that I have made the right decision.  I must shout down the path of frustrated, angry, and sad voices that I thank them for what they have brought to my life, but the time has come for us all to part ways.  I need to be willing to let go of who I was to become who I was meant to be.

I am standing in the middle of the woods by myself... and I am terrified.  I can feel the lump in my throat and the tears forming behind my eyes.  I am still so close to the previous path that I can see the faces and expressions of those I am walking away from.  I can feel their bodies wrapping me in tight embraces and I can see their smiles filling me with hope.  I look past these faces to those who left me before I could ever leave them.  They stare at me blankly, as if to say "What are you waiting for?"

I turn to those who have already passed me on this path, their footprints still fresh in the muddy trails.  I shout after them to wait for me, but it's too late, they have already gone.  I must make this journey on my own.

I waiver for a minute because I don't know if I am ready.

So I take a deep breath and close my eyes.  I turn one last time to the path I have been led down, and I can only say "Thank you."  I cannot bring myself to say goodbye.  I can only hope that one day, my honesty will be understood.  I can only pray that one day, my faith will be restored.

I do not turn around again, because I am afraid if I do, I will change my mind.  I slowly remove my coat, leaving it lying in a lifeless pool around my bare feet, and shaking slightly, I take my first step.  

And for the time being, that's where the story ends.

All You Need is Love

Sometimes life makes it hard to still believe in love. Every day there are temptations thrown in our faces, rules changed, promises broken, and dreams shattered. We meet new people, form relationships, take chances, and often walk away feeling defeated and alone.

But every now and then a person comes along that offers a glimmer of hope. A small ray of light in a dark and confusing world, where we are not only struggling to find out who others are, but also who we are ourselves. When that person comes into your life you want to celebrate. You want them to know how happy you are, and how happy they make you. And you should share that... EVERY DAY.

Valentine's Day has become a bit of a controversial holiday, full of stereotypes and expectations. If you say you don't like this holiday, you are bitter. If you say you love it, you're a conformist. Where do I fall on the spectrum? I'm a cynical hopeless romantic. As my brother would say, "That's a wicked combination."

I don't believe you need a designated holiday to celebrate how much you love and care about someone. First of all, the holiday colors- red and pink- clash horrendously. Second of all, those little conversation hearts... they taste like chalk. No romance in that. Third of all, there is no reason to save a date, evening activity, special event, or dinner for this particular night, when you can realistically do these things at any given time. If on June 2 I was surprised with a romantic and spontaneous evening, well, THAT would be MY Valentine's Day. No Hallmark card needed.

And who's to say that the love celebrated needs to be a romantic love? Love comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. It melts, it grows, it develops in unexpected places, it fades and is then revived. The symbols of love should not consist of flowers, candy, and jewelry... they should be the things that take form as you learn to love. The pictures taken and letters written. The small "I saw this and thought of you" tokens. The rooms filled with laughter and tears. The phone calls and text messages just because. Personally, I don't save these things for a boyfriend or husband... they should be shared with everyone you love. The imprints left on your heart don't simply come from cliche dates and good sex... they come from the spot in your brain that tells you, wow, I really love and need this person in my life.

So yes, if you love someone, show it. But don't save it for Valentine's Day, or any other holiday for that matter. Make it an every day thing. Because in the world we live in, and the hard times that everyone in this country is feeling, the one free thing we can give is love.

And that's something that everyone needs.